Sunday

Que the Twilight Zone music....

Pixie
So last night, just about 24 hrs ago, I get a call from my Mom that I wasn't expecting.
She called to tell me that she got a call that my paternal Grandmother just died.
Normally this news would cause tears, sadness, maybe even regret for not being able to say Goodbye. But here's the thing. It didn't. And the reason is what makes this whole situation extremely bizarre,

My father and I were under the impression that my Grandmother (his Mom) passed away more than 6 yrs ago. Yes, that's what you just read, we thought she was already dead.

So to get a call, from her housekeeper saying that she just passed (late Friday afternoon, Jan. 23, 2015) was quite shocking. My mom spoke with the housekeeper first and then gave me her number. I called her and spoke with her about my Grandmothers passing. I explained to her how confusing this whole thing was for me. I explained to her that all of us were under the impression that my Grandmother had passed away back in 2008 or maybe even 2007.

Here's the thing. My paternal grandmother and I were not very close. Even though we only lived about 5 mins from one another we never really saw each other. after my Grandfather died back in 1999 she kinda just shut down. I extended myself as much as I could and went to see her often many years ago. But the last few times that I saw her she kept saying really mean things like "Why are you here?" and "Don't bother coming to see me anymore". "You don't need to visit" and "Why are you here? What do you want?".

Even though after the last time I visited her she pretty much told me to go away, I still tried to reach out via the phone. She was just mean to me but since she was my Grandmother, I kept trying.

Then in 2007 maybe 2008 my Dad got a call from her saying she was moving to another country. That we shouldn't bother trying to keep in contact, and that she was leaving all of her savings & house to the church. Not too long after that my Dad received a call that she had passed away.

So as far as any of us were concerned she had passed away over 5+ years ago.
So to get this call last night was completely unexpected and unbelievable.

I still don't even know how to process it.

I mean how do you mourn someone you have already mourned?
How do you cry about the loss of a family member that you said Goodbye to  so many years before?

I can't even begin to wrap my head around what my Dad is going through. I mean this was his MOM! She was HERE 2 days ago. He could have talked to her. He could have told her that he loved her and now she is gone. I can't even wrap my brain around it.

None of this seems real. Its like something you read about in a book.
Or something you see in a movie or crime drama or something.
This doesn't happen in real life.
It really is a Twilight Zone episode!!!

Thursday

Its been one of those weeks ....

Pixie
So from time to time this chick just needs to vent.
I mean its cool to take pretty pics, post about make up, and just add fluff to ones blog.....
But every now and again you just gotta keep it real.

Life has its ups and downs.
Sometimes life just sucks!

Just when relationships and or family life is coming together work has to suck.
There always, ALWAYS, has to be a yin to the yang. That's just life.

I guess work decided that it is its turn to drive me bananas! 

Don't get me wrong, I really do love my job but lately it has just been too much!
For those of you that don't know, I am an SET ( Special Ed Tech ) for an elementary school. I work in a Mod/Severe classroom . So my job consists of dealing with kids (ages 5 to 10) that have a lot of behavioral problems and mental disabilities. Anything from emotional to violent outbursts, diapering needs and constant monitoring. There are 7 kids in our class. They have Autism, ADHD, Down Syndrome and or other disabilities. I have worked with these kids for over a year so I am used to the outbursts, behaviors, and just over all structure of the class. 

There are 3 students that are very time consuming. 

One of them is a little boy, a second grader, I'll call him A. 
A is really a sweet boy. There are just times that he doesn't want to do any work. He doesn't want to listen. He just wants to do what he wants to do. Its frustrating but manageable. From time to time he is what we refer to as a "runner". If you don't keep an eye on him or hold his hand outside of class, he will just take off. He is actually a lot easier this year than he was last year. 

Then there is a little girl that I'll call E. She is also a 2nd grader. E is a handful to say the least. She likes to mirror the other kids "bad" behavior because she can see that it gets them attention. E is one of those kids that really likes to push your buttons. I have worked with her enough to know how to ignore certain things & distract her before it becomes a problem. 
E could be a lot less of an issue if she wasn't in the same environment as J.

J is a mega problem. He is the 3rd student that I deal with on a regular basis. I spend more time with him than any one else in my classroom ( I am one of 3 paras, as well as the teacher). I am not all together sure what his medical diagnoses is but I am fairly certain that he has ADHD ( as well as possibly one or 2 other things). I am familiar with ADHD because of my oldest daughter but that is another story entirely. J is a handful. He is a 3rd grader but isn't potty trained. He is very aggressive and you have to be on high alert around him at all times. Some of his behaviors are obvious to his disability while others appear to me to be more about him not getting what he wants. I have a feeling that he is given whatever he wants when he is at home so that his parent doesn't have to deal with his aggressive outbursts. I have come home with many bruises from him hitting & kicking me when I don't give him what he wants.

So between those 3 kiddos, the other 4 kiddos, all the bathroom duties plus trying to teach the kids basics, my days are cray! I feel like I am running non stop. Lately I haven't really been getting my breaks from class. Working in the room and or with the kiddos for 4.5 to 5 hrs straight at a time. The classroom teacher is doing the best she can but like I told her today "Somethings gotta give". I even offered to help her work on the schedule so myself and the other paras could get regular breaks from the class and the kids. Being on 'high alert' for that many hours in a row is damn near soul crushing.

I am exhausted physically & mentally when I get home, 

I feel like I need to go on an extended vacay ..... asap!

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